Life happens and I haven't kept this blog up near as much as I originally aspired to! Oops!
Update:
I met with my boss and I have been approved to work 7am - 1pm. That means I will be able to spend the afternoon/evenings with my daughter and she will only have to be with a babysitter or in a daycare center for a few hours each morning (6am-11am). My husband will look after her from 11am until I get home at 1:30. He will then leave for work and work 2:30pm - 1am. Ideally, I will go back to work pregnant and only have to work 6 months (the minimum to gain full maternity benefits again). This plan is not ideal - I will only see my husband on weekends and both of us will have to make big sacrifices (both financially and time-wise) in order to make this plan work. All this to bring in maybe $500-$800/month. We're tossing around the idea of changing the mortgage to a 30yr term instead of 22yr that we have now so that the monthly payments will be lower - I'm not sure that's a wise idea but I'm not sure what else we can do. This is such an expensive place to live and really the only way to downsize would be to move farther away which would change our commute from 30-45min each way to approx. 1.5hr each way - a bit too much. God will make a way and God will provide.
19.11.07
2.10.07
"Although we often have little choice of what happens to us, we surely have some choice as to what happens in us." - Evelyn Underhill.
My circumstances may often seem out of my control, but I get to chose how I will respond. So much of life is won and lost in the attitude rather than the circumstance.
My circumstances may often seem out of my control, but I get to chose how I will respond. So much of life is won and lost in the attitude rather than the circumstance.
1.10.07
Meeting with the Boss
Tomorrow I meet with my boss to see if I can work out a schedule that will work for us when I return to work. I do not want to return to work at all. I'd love to stay home and raise my daughter but financially that is not an option right now. So, the compromise is for me to return to work part-time - if my employer will go for it.
Returning to work is something I've been stressing over for weeks now. In the process of my stress, God has taught me a lot. I've learned:
1. To pray when I'm anxious or worried.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7
2. To delight myself in the Lord first. This means to keep my priorities. My delight does not come from staying home and raising my daughter or any other "goal" I might have. My delight is to be found in God alone.
"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
3. To commit my way to the Lord and trust Him to work out what is best. What is best may not be what I want - that is where the trust comes in.
"Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this." Psalm 37:5
4. That once I've prayed and committed it to God to leave it with Him and rest. Again, that is where the trust comes in.
"Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him." Psalm 37:7
5. That God loves my daughter more than I do and He will work for what is best for her.
This has been quite the process. God has revealed bits and pieces over the weeks as I've worried and cried and prayed for a way to stay home and not put Adrianna in daycare. Now, I'm actually at the place where I trust that God will work out what is best for her. I know that what is really best for her may not look like how I picture it, but I trust that God knows what is best more than I do and I chose to rest in that.
So, for tomorrow, I will present my proposal and then leave it in God's hands.
Returning to work is something I've been stressing over for weeks now. In the process of my stress, God has taught me a lot. I've learned:
1. To pray when I'm anxious or worried.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7
2. To delight myself in the Lord first. This means to keep my priorities. My delight does not come from staying home and raising my daughter or any other "goal" I might have. My delight is to be found in God alone.
"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
3. To commit my way to the Lord and trust Him to work out what is best. What is best may not be what I want - that is where the trust comes in.
"Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this." Psalm 37:5
4. That once I've prayed and committed it to God to leave it with Him and rest. Again, that is where the trust comes in.
"Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him." Psalm 37:7
5. That God loves my daughter more than I do and He will work for what is best for her.
This has been quite the process. God has revealed bits and pieces over the weeks as I've worried and cried and prayed for a way to stay home and not put Adrianna in daycare. Now, I'm actually at the place where I trust that God will work out what is best for her. I know that what is really best for her may not look like how I picture it, but I trust that God knows what is best more than I do and I chose to rest in that.
So, for tomorrow, I will present my proposal and then leave it in God's hands.
30.9.07
"In earlier times it did not take faith to believe that God existed--almost everybody took that for granted. Rather, faith had to do with one's relationship to God--whether one trusted in God. The difference between faith as "belief in something that may or may not exist" and faith as "trusting in God" is enormous. The first is a matter of the head, the second a matter of the heart. The first can leave us unchanged, the second intrinsically brings change."
- Brennan Manning, "The Ragamuffin Gospel"
- Brennan Manning, "The Ragamuffin Gospel"
28.9.07
My Rich Mullins Tribute
It was 10 years ago this month that Rich Mullins was killed in a car crash (he wasn't wearing a seat belt!). I won't say that Rich Mullins had a huge impact on me but I did like his music. At the time, I knew his music had depth even though I didn't really understand most of his lyrics. I wasn't old enough and hadn't lived enough to fully grasp the depth. But as the years have marched on, bits and pieces of his songs come floating back to my mind and I'm starting to "get" it.
About a month ago, I was desperately trying to teach Adrianna to take a nap. She could go an entire day without napping and by the end of the day we were both wrecks. I prayed and began speaking peace over her. I would pray over her as I laid her down that she would sleep in peace. As I prayed I kept hearing:
"So may peace rain down from heaven
like little pieces of the sky"
The song really has nothing at all to do with getting a baby to sleep peacefully but it brought me back to Rich Mullins and I've enjoyed my own mini Rich Mullins revival.
Some quotes:
"Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight you for something I don't really want
then to take what You give that I need
And I've beat my head against so many walls
I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees
and this Salvation Army band is playing this hymn
and Your grace rings out so deep it makes my resistance seem to thin."
- Hold Me Jesus
"You who live in radiance - hear the prayers of those of us who live in skin"
- Hard to Get
"The Christian faith is not about mere intellectual assent to a set of doctrines but about a daily walk with this person Jesus. It’s about living in awareness of Christ risen, resurrected, and living in my life. Even though doctrine is important, wisdom in the Bible has more to do with character and the art of living. Christianity is about living out the will of God, and living abundantly."
"Don't resist the work of God by asking for an easy life."
About a month ago, I was desperately trying to teach Adrianna to take a nap. She could go an entire day without napping and by the end of the day we were both wrecks. I prayed and began speaking peace over her. I would pray over her as I laid her down that she would sleep in peace. As I prayed I kept hearing:
"So may peace rain down from heaven
like little pieces of the sky"
The song really has nothing at all to do with getting a baby to sleep peacefully but it brought me back to Rich Mullins and I've enjoyed my own mini Rich Mullins revival.
Some quotes:
"Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight you for something I don't really want
then to take what You give that I need
And I've beat my head against so many walls
I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees
and this Salvation Army band is playing this hymn
and Your grace rings out so deep it makes my resistance seem to thin."
- Hold Me Jesus
"You who live in radiance - hear the prayers of those of us who live in skin"
- Hard to Get
"The Christian faith is not about mere intellectual assent to a set of doctrines but about a daily walk with this person Jesus. It’s about living in awareness of Christ risen, resurrected, and living in my life. Even though doctrine is important, wisdom in the Bible has more to do with character and the art of living. Christianity is about living out the will of God, and living abundantly."
"Don't resist the work of God by asking for an easy life."
27.9.07
Taking God to the Grocery Store
In keeping with my endeavour to pray before purchases, I paused before grocery shopping to ask God to guide me. I ended up leaving behind a bag of chips, an expensive but yummy fruity smoothie and deli counter french fries. I was prompted to buy bananas. I guess God wants me healthy. I wasn't sure about the bananas as I'm not a banana lover but as I was walking home I was really hungry so I paused and ate a banana and wouldn't you know it - it was the best banana I've ever had in my life. And I'm not at all sad that I left the bag of chips at the store - I just ate from my husband's bag instead!
26.9.07
New Priorities (part two)
When I get serious with God, He inevitably challenges me in two areas - how I spend my time and how I spend my money. Yesterday I touched on time. Today, money.
Money
Each Sunday morning, my husband sits down at the kitchen table with a cheque book and asks God how much we should give. He then writes a cheque for that amount. Yesterday, we spent the morning bickering about money. He's a spender and I'm a saver. After only a year of marriage, we are still working out the kinks of sharing our finances with each other. At the end of the (marathon) argument, two things were agreed on. First, I would set up a rough budget for us (gulp!). Second, we will begin to treat purchases the same way we treat giving. What this means is that instead of just blindly buying whatever we feel like buying (whether that be a $1500 mountain bike or a $5 bottle of nail polish or extra goodies at the grocery store), we will endeavour to pause and ask God how much we should spend. If we allow the Holy Spirit to lead our giving, should we not also allow Him to guide our spending? I'm curious to see what the outcome will be, however I am a bit nervous. I like to buy cute clothes for my daughter and extra goodies at the grocery store and a Starbucks latte here and there. If I stop and ask God if it is OK to buy something, He might very well say "no" and then I have to chose whether to obey or not. Of course, He might also say "yes" and then I can truly enjoy my latte.
Money
Each Sunday morning, my husband sits down at the kitchen table with a cheque book and asks God how much we should give. He then writes a cheque for that amount. Yesterday, we spent the morning bickering about money. He's a spender and I'm a saver. After only a year of marriage, we are still working out the kinks of sharing our finances with each other. At the end of the (marathon) argument, two things were agreed on. First, I would set up a rough budget for us (gulp!). Second, we will begin to treat purchases the same way we treat giving. What this means is that instead of just blindly buying whatever we feel like buying (whether that be a $1500 mountain bike or a $5 bottle of nail polish or extra goodies at the grocery store), we will endeavour to pause and ask God how much we should spend. If we allow the Holy Spirit to lead our giving, should we not also allow Him to guide our spending? I'm curious to see what the outcome will be, however I am a bit nervous. I like to buy cute clothes for my daughter and extra goodies at the grocery store and a Starbucks latte here and there. If I stop and ask God if it is OK to buy something, He might very well say "no" and then I have to chose whether to obey or not. Of course, He might also say "yes" and then I can truly enjoy my latte.
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